Many people are able to take on their tasks, but when we try to live our true selves, we often don't feel joyful and instead face long periods of pain and struggle.
Instead of being able to start from the most desirable and exalted beginnings, we often have to work our way up from the lowest, the bottom.
The confluence of life's various experiences brings not necessarily joy, but perhaps profound pain and reflection.
The collision between guilt and ideals can sometimes leave one feeling powerless as sacred goals are defeated by reality.
Hello friend! Your description really touched me, it contains deep emotions and inner conflicts, and this complex mindset is really worth talking about together.
You say that you are unable to live your true self in the process of taking responsibility, and this is most likely because there is an inconsistency between your inner and outer life. For example, on the one hand, you are very capable of accomplishing tasks, showing a strong sense of responsibility and execution; but on the other hand, your true desires and needs are suppressed, and this contradiction can easily trigger suffering.
The feeling of struggling from a low point may make you feel powerless and frustrated because every step is tough. But this actually reflects your clear understanding of the current situation and demonstrates your tenacity - starting from a low point doesn't mean failure, it's proof that you're brave enough to face the challenge.
The phrase "The streams of life do not meet in joy, but in pain" may speak to many people, and it involves thinking about the nature of life. You may feel that no matter how hard you try, you can't escape some of the fundamental obsessions that are a common dilemma in the pursuit of happiness.
Regarding the collision of guilt and holiness, this can stem from a moral struggle. Perhaps you hold yourself to a high standard of perfection, but the reality of your mistakes makes you guilty. This guilt can erode joy, often because you seek purity but have to deal with the complexities of reality.
These inner conflicts are actually your sensitive perception of the gap between ideal and reality. Precisely because you are strict and have high expectations of yourself, you are prone to frustration when the reality is less than ideal. Allowing yourself to make mistakes and failures and slowly accepting imperfections on the path of self-discovery can lighten your inner burden.
Finding the inner balance to reconcile responsibility with self-needs may be a crucial step towards self-realization.
I hope these shares have helped you! If there are still questions, feel free to let me know and we'll talk about it.
