I am a northern drifter working in Beijing, and my wife is a native Beijinger, and her whole family lives here.
We live in the same building and the house downstairs is in my wife's name, where my mother-in-law and husband-in-law now live.
The small apartment upstairs is in my mother-in-law's name and my wife and I live here.
Mother-in-law to me in fact quite care, but there is a habit that I'm not too comfortable: she always come upstairs without saying a word, and not in advance, and sometimes not after our consent to add furniture and so on. Because of this, when my wife proposed to properly renovate the upstairs, I'm not too willing to invest too much money, after all, privacy is easily affected.
The upstairs was previously rented out and generated over $4,000 a month in rental income. Since we moved in, I talked to my wife about giving my mother-in-law $3,000 a month as compensation, but she didn't agree, so I didn't insist.
Then we went back to my mother-in-law's house every night for dinner. My wife said that my mother-in-law was now spending a lot of money cooking and shopping for us every month, and suggested that we give 2,000 dollars a month. I felt a bit awkward in my heart, it felt like a trade. I told my wife that it would be more reasonable to give her 30,000 dollars a year as a lump sum, and that giving her money on a monthly basis would always seem like a deal. But now the company also provides meals, 2000 yuan a month I still continue to give, as a filial piety mother-in-law, after all, in the future still count on her to help bring up the child it.
The thing that's bugging me the most right now is my mother-in-law's lack of boundaries, which I'm a little uncomfortable with because I've been away from home and independent since high school, and I'm used to having my own space; whereas my wife has always lived with my mother-in-law's family, and my old man doesn't really run the show, so my mother-in-law often takes away from my wife and I's time for two people, and I don't know how to politely get her to learn to keep an appropriate distance.
Hello, dear friend! I'm Takato Emotional Psychology.
I can especially understand the distress you're experiencing right now, and I'll start by giving you a warm hug.
⭕ The main thing that bothers us is that our mother-in-law always comes up the stairs without saying hello in advance.
This may seem like a detail of life, but it reflects that she may not care enough about our personal space to make us feel a little awkward and out of place.
Although we give our mother-in-law some financial support every month, she comes into our house as casually as if she were in her own. We want to communicate with her about this, but we are worried that bad words will cause misunderstanding.
⭕ Suggest talking to your mother-in-law from a privacy perspective.
Even if we are late bloomers, we have our own privacy needs. Especially when the family is so close, rushing in may compromise our privacy and security. From this point, talk to her about how we feel, and she may be more likely to understand our desire to be respected. Try not to label your mother-in-law, so you can avoid unnecessary misunderstandings.
⭕One thing leads to another and it is advisable to keep them separate.
We just wish our mother in law would be more polite and respect privacy when she comes into our room. It's not the same thing as how much you pay per month, it's purely a need for privacy in your life. Talking about it separately is probably more acceptable to everyone.
Let's grow, discuss and learn together.
It's great to be here and to have the honor of meeting you.
Go for it! One Heart and I will always support you.
