Lately I've been finding myself with an unspoken resistance to intimacy and a constant blockage in my heart.
(I'm a senior in high school right now.) There's a guy who keeps saying he likes me, but I don't feel anything special for him, and I'm even kind of indifferent.
A while back, my depression and anxiety was particularly bad, and during that time I could barely communicate with people properly, and my whole being shut down.
So, naturally, I acted cold towards him and didn't want to talk much.
But he still tries very hard to care for me, to help me, to come and shush me every now and then.
But this kindness instead made me more resistant and inexplicably annoyed.
Then I was slowly getting a little better and he told me straight out that he would always haunt me and would never leave no matter what I did to him.
There are occasional days when I might be slightly more accepting, not as resistant, and kind of barely manage.
But as time went on, no more than a week, that inexplicable revulsion bubbled up again - I didn't want to see him, I didn't want to talk to him, I rejected all his kindness, and even hearing his voice was particularly tiresome.
I really want to stay away from him, but I can't help it that he sits right in front of me on my left and I don't see my head every day.
I didn't have the courage and couldn't find a suitable reason to apply to my homeroom teacher for a seat change, so I was particularly frustrated.
This feeling of resistance was hard on me, like a stone weighing down my heart.
Now that I heard him say he wasn't coming to school in the afternoon, I instead felt a sense of relief that I could finally clear my head for a while.
But when I calm down, I feel bad for being like this, conflicted and self-condemning.
I don't know what to do about it, the whole thing is confusing.
To make matters worse, my classmates and other students around me were always making a fuss about us, so-called "fixing us up", which made me even more stressed out.
But it was really hard for me to describe the depression.
I had no way of accepting him nor did I know how to handle the situation, so I had to tough it out.
Hello friends, I am the enthusiastic respondent lofty emotions, I am very glad to have the fate through this platform and you talk about the heart.
I can especially understand how you feel, it's really hard to get through that upset when being pestered by a guy you don't like, a warm hug to you first!
⭕️ Simply sort out the heart of the matter: this is not really considered true intimacy.
Because it's just the guy unilaterally liking us and we don't have feelings for them, it doesn't constitute a healthy intimate relationship at all.
Since it's not an intimate relationship, it's normal for us to have resentment and resistance. Learning to set up a sense of boundaries, instead, protects you and lets the other person know what to do.
⭕️ From a psychological perspective, the establishment of a sense of self-boundaries is helpful in maintaining an individual's mental health.
Let me share some personal opinions: sometimes we don't dare to say no to things we don't like, we don't dare to reject them directly, and as a result, the other party's behavior becomes more and more excessive, and our own emotions are implicated, and we even wonder if there's something wrong with us.
⭕️ So how do you fix it? Bold rejection is the key.
You can be upfront and tell the person that you may not be able to respond to his offerings, that it's not that he's bad, it's just not a good fit for both parties, and that you hope he will respect your boundaries.
If the other person is still pestering you, you can be courteous before you do anything, such as asking for help from a teacher if you are overwhelmed, using outside resources to protect yourself, and setting clear boundaries.
Way to go friend, and I'm rooting for you, and I hope my advice gives you a little warmth and direction.
