I'm in my second year of junior high school now, and studying really makes me feel so tired, and my heart is especially exhausted, and I'm always worried about whether or not I'll be able to get into high school in this state. I'm so stressed every day that my mouth seems to taste like blood, and perfectionism is always tormenting me - I always want to learn every point perfectly, and if I don't understand a place, I can dwell on it for half a day until I just can't get it right. Although I don't have to get a high score, I just have an urge to do my best, and when I can't, I get especially frustrated. I don't know why I push myself so hard when I study, but I can't learn anything, and even if I do, I'm still irritated, so what should I do?
Hello, my friend!
You always pursue perfection in learning, a knowledge point must be drilled to thoroughly understand to be able to do, can not achieve the goal is frustrated, study when the mood of irritability, which makes your heart tired, stressed to the mouth of the feeling of blood.
➖ Why do you push yourself so hard?
➡️ From your description, you do have a perfectionist tendency now, demanding yourself with the highest standards in learning, always wanting to be perfect. But people are not omnipotent, when the goal is not achieved, you will be self-pressurized, asking yourself why you can not do it, with this kind of emotion to learn, will only be more annoyed and tired.
It's like a loop - the more you try to get things right, the harder it is to get them right.
Psychological studies have shown that perfectionism tends to trigger other psychological problems, such as the anxiety and depression you're experiencing right now.
Perfectionism leads to anxiety because the constant fear of not accomplishing your goals keeps you obsessing and self-doubting, which exacerbates anxiety; once you don't perform as well as you'd like, the anxiety gets worse.
Perfectionism leads to depression because when you don't reach your goals, you feel lost and helpless, and the low mood makes motivation go down, things get worse, and you get stuck in a cycle of depression.
➡️ About how you got your perfectionist personality, although you didn't go into detail, I'm guessing there are a few possible reasons for you to consider.
One is genetics, there are studies that say perfectionism is genetically linked, you can see if your mom and dad have similar tendencies.
The second is the effect of rewards and punishments, which is a learning experience of sorts - if you are rewarded for doing things well and punished for doing them poorly, you instinctively tend to avoid harm, and then later on you seek perfection to avoid punishment.
Think back to when you were a kid. Did your mom or dad praise or reward you when you did well? Were you often criticized when you did poorly?
The third is imitative behavior, learned by observing others. Think about whether you are surrounded by people with high standards, such as family members or classmates, and you are invariably influenced.
Getting to the root of your perfectionism can help you come out better.
What to do.
➡️ There are two kinds of perfectionism: adaptive and maladaptive.
Adaptive perfectionists also set high goals, but adjust themselves when they don't achieve them and feel a sense of accomplishment when they do, which is called "optimism".
Maladaptive perfectionists measure their value only in terms of success or failure, have high and rigid standards, and are self-critical and frustrated when they fail to meet them.
You fall into the latter category, so can you slowly become the former?
➡️ First of all, learn to accept imperfection in learning. All people have limits, and as long as they take it seriously and take responsibility for their studies, this is a kind of perfection.
Don't go to extremes, success and failure are not black and white. Just because you don't reach your academic goals doesn't mean you can't do it, it's likely that your goals are set too high. Set your goals lower and take it one step at a time, instead of having a greater sense of accomplishment.
➡️ space limitations, perfectionism is harder to change than other psychological problems, you might want to check out the book "Overcoming Perfectionism", it might help.
You say you have a bloody feeling in your throat, which is a physical reaction to psychological stress that can do a lot of damage, so it's advisable to talk to your school psychologist to get professional guidance.
May your heart be steady and everything go well.
