The days after I got married became more and more breathless, and I could hardly feel my wife's love and care. She was always fussy and accusatory, so I simply took over all the housework and kept her out of it. Once I had a sudden asthma attack, coughing so hard I couldn't breathe and was in agony. She, however, told me to keep my coughing down, saying that the sound of my coughing made her so sick that she wanted to throw up. She didn't believe it was asthma because it had never been like that before, but I was really struggling and there was a hissing sound when I wheezed. Even when I struggled around her, she didn't look up at me and just stared at her phone.
I pretend to be normal and sunny on the surface, and I am considerate to her, thinking that men should be more tolerant of women. However, I pay more and more, but I can't get anything in return, and as time goes by, too much depression has built up inside.
Before she had a domestic violence behavior, I often think back to the heart blocked. Every day because of the triviality of the accusations, I asked her why she is always holding on to it, but she asked me if I did wrong, do wrong can not say? Well, she is right. I'm really depressed, maybe it's really my problem, being glassy-eyed like she said.
🧚♀️ Dear Owner 🧚♀️
I'll give you a warm "hug" to comfort your so-called "glass heart". I swear to the moon, you are not a glass heart, but a heart that longs to be loved and understood.
Recently the weather has turned cooler, everyone is wrapping up their thick coats again, and it feels like there is less warmth between people to keep each other warm because of the cold. Thank you very much for sharing your story and giving me a chance to say what I think, if it's not right, welcome to discuss it together.
From your description, I can feel your hurt: holding a warm heart but always being trampled mercilessly. Maybe you once had love, but that love is about to run out in your daily life.
A love of accusations shows that she loves to stick her nose into everything and has a low tolerance for other people's mistakes. You take on all the chores to avoid conflict, but beware that over time, not only will she be ungrateful, she'll take it for granted and in turn be more judgmental, right?
Glassy-eyed, I've said it before, you're not glassy-eyed. Being constantly blamed, repressed, wanting to run away but not being able to because it's "home" sounds like you're making a big deal out of it, but only you know how hard it is.
The process of going from love to hate to indifference is long and short, sometimes just a matter of moments.
That description of your asthma attack was heartbreaking for me as an outsider to hear.
"A little cough."
"Feeling sick."
"Didn't look up at me."
"Still on the cell phone."
In a few simple words, you can feel the hatred of being ignored and the indignation of having nowhere to vent your anger. These moves are like needles in your heart. You are a man, say it out of fear of pretense, do not say it and suffocated, like a fishbone stuck in the throat. Even if she knows that you have asthma, can not empathize, but the basic concern, put down the phone to see you, always should be able to do it? Instead, she chose to ignore and verbally hurt.
Love, I'm afraid it's hard to go back.
I'm sure you threw the question out there because you wanted to give it a try. In that case, follow your heart or beware of falling into depression.
Suggestions?
Negotiation
Say all your heartfelt words, including all the things you care about. Express it honestly in front of her, the form doesn't matter, the key is to release the aggression and let her feel your pain and helplessness. If I say, she may just hard mouth, play the phone is by chance you see, you believe? If you don't believe me, go ahead and confide in her.
Express it and pour it all out at once. She will probably react in one of the following ways:
👇1 Says you're rehashing old scores
What's wrong with rehashing old scores? What do you care if she says you're rehashing old scores when your relationship is like this? Keep going, keep going. In my opinion, it's not about rehashing old scores, it's about bringing love back and working towards a better life.
👇2 Hugging Caressing
After you express it, she may snap out of it, say she didn't notice your feelings, admit that she didn't do a good job before, and want to understand and correct it. That way you can justify giving her half of the chores, and isn't she fussy? Let her do it. But be warned, even if she admits she's wrong, she doesn't necessarily really change, perception and action are two different things.
👇3 being ignored
Being ignored, called pretentious, backtracking, unable to see what she's giving, calculating, or even worse, not only doesn't improve but worsens. You must know what to do, right?
👇 Plus, I have a brief analysis of your wife's character:
1) This kind of person probably had a demanding parent who had strict standards for things and people, and was even harsher on themselves.
2) Views are authoritarian and do not allow others to question them, as soon as there is a difference of opinion you feel attacked and immediately counterattack, and if you don't give in you will fight.
3) Warm and generous to outsiders, but after getting along with them for a long time, she realized that she seldom thinks about others, likes to start from her own point of view, is more selfish, and doesn't care about other people's feelings.
4) Talks tough, doesn't listen to advice, and it's harder to change her than it is to hurt her. Remember, people are hard to change.
👇 It's okay to be understanding, she was treated this way growing up so she will only love people this way. She always thinks she's right, has a single standard, and thinks others should do the same.
After all this ranting, you should have something in mind. May you take good care of your body, your mood and your marriage. If you have asthma, you shouldn't be in a hurry!
The world and I love you.
