I had been deeply troubled by depression, and it was always like a big stone was weighing down my heart and I couldn't breathe. I had been to the hospital to seek help before, but the effect was not obvious and I felt particularly helpless.
In my daily life, I find that I can't get excited about anything, and I have become emotionally indifferent. Especially in front of outsiders, I would be inexplicably nervous, and I couldn't control my trembling when others looked at me a few more times. Even when I eat and chat with people close to me, my hands shake unconsciously.
When I get together with friends, I can laugh on the surface, but the next second I feel especially meaningless. When I am a little bit aggrieved at home, I will have the thought of lightening my life. I really wanted to change myself, but I just couldn't, and my mind was always suppressed. Although I have tried to seek medical treatment, my situation has not improved.
Hello my friend ~ I can truly feel the pain and powerlessness within you, these emotions are real. From what you have shared, I see someone who is struggling to find an outlet in the darkness, even though many ways have been tried with little improvement. It's a frustration that I completely understand. 💞
First of all, I want to tell you that you are by no means alone. Many people have similar feelings when dealing with depression and anxiety - feeling trapped and unable to see the light. But please believe that it's worth it to persist in seeking help and adjusting to even the hardest times, because everyone has a chance to get out of the doldrums.
You mentioned shaking nervously in front of outsiders and having shaky hands even in front of acquaintances, which can be a sign of social anxiety. This often stems from caring too much about what others think or not being confident enough in yourself. This emotion can make you more nervous and anxious, creating a vicious cycle.
To break this cycle, you can start practicing self-confidence in small ways. For example, start by talking more about your feelings with your most trusted family member or friend and slowly expand your social circle. Remember, don't put too much pressure on yourself; change takes time.
The fact that you can laugh when you play with friends but soon feel bored reflects mood swings and diminished interest, which can be a common sign of depression. To cope, try finding things you used to enjoy, such as taking a walk, listening to a song or reading a book. Even if you don't have much interest now, sticking to something positive can help your mood slowly pick up.
Trying to make light of the situation when you are aggravated at home is a red flag and you must seek professional psychological support as soon as possible. Don't get discouraged and try other doctors or therapies if previous treatments haven't worked. Sometimes it takes more than one try to find the right help. A public service counseling hotline is also a good option if you need it urgently.
Also, repressed emotions have to find an outlet. Journaling works just fine; it helps you clear your mind and vent your emotions. Taking a few minutes each day to record changes in your emotions and their causes can help you understand yourself better and pave the way for subsequent treatment.
The fact that you mentioned that you have been to the hospital but it didn't work well means that you have taken an important step. Just because it didn't work the first time doesn't mean all methods are ineffective. Everyone is different and a few more tries will always find a program that works for you.
I would say that changing yourself is a marathon that takes patience and courage. You have shown this courage - acknowledging the problem and reaching out for help. As hard as it is right now, please don't give up hope. Every small improvement is a big step towards recovery. Believe in yourself and with hard work and proper guidance, you will be able to see the light. 💞🌱
