Last July, my girlfriend and I broke up for a number of reasons, the main responsibility being on my side. During that time my father was sick and hospitalized, I almost lost him, I experienced for the first time that life is so fragile, my mood hit rock bottom. As a result, the problem with my girlfriend was never solved, I always wanted to escape, not willing to face, did not contact her for a long time, and finally she took the initiative to break up.
After a month, I apologized and promised her I would change, and she was willing to give it another chance. But in the meantime, I became especially affected by the fear of losing her again, and I was too tight with her, causing her a lot of stress. At the same time, my old habit of avoiding problems didn't change, I hid and didn't reply to her messages whenever we had a fight.
As it turned out, by last November, we broke up again.
After the breakup I have been sinking, life is in disarray, learning is also put on hold, all day by playing games and shopping to paralyze themselves, the only way to temporarily comfortable. I don't want to communicate with my family for fear that they will worry. Until now, I'm still in this state, I can't forget my ex-girlfriend. Recently, I saw her mention in the microblogging comments that I hurt her, I feel especially guilty, originally a little better mood fell back again. How can I get out of this predicament? I feel like I'm slipping into the abyss step by step.
Hi friend! It really hurts to see what you've shared and I'm sending you a warm hug first!
I want to ask you a question first.
How was your relationship with your mom when you were a kid?
Is it possible that when you cried and needed attention, she didn't respond to you in a timely manner and went on about her business?
This experience may lead you to develop an "avoidant" attachment pattern as you grow up.
Like you said, as soon as you have a problem with your girlfriend, you habitually avoid it.
This tends to make the other person feel that you are not mature enough, which ultimately leads to a breakup.
I think the most critical thing to do now is to deal with your "avoidant" attachment pattern, and I suggest you talk to a professional counselor.
Counselors are professionals who can teach you how to adjust this pattern and avoid repeating it.
If you don't address this underlying issue, even with a new girlfriend, you may still avoid her and the relationship will struggle to last.
So, I suggest you start with attachment patterns.
Also, now that you've broken up, try not to follow her Twitter feed anymore or you'll only make yourself more miserable.
Because seeing things tends to get you stuck in past relationships and you can't get out of them.
I really hope you can resolve the challenges at hand and get back on your feet soon.
These are some of the suggestions I can think of.
I hope my answer is helpful and inspiring. I am the answerer learning well everyday.
Here's to the world and I love you. I wish you all the best!
