I was traumatized by my childhood illness, and I always felt that I was only dragging others down and hurting myself in the world?
I grew up as the baby of the family, and my parents especially loved me. But when I was in the second grade, I got very sick and was hospitalized for four months. Probably because of the illness, my parents took care of me more than ever, which made me slowly develop the habit of relying on them, and I also picked up some bad habits. After I got well, I went back to school and realized that everything had changed - I had changed, and so had my classmates. At that time, I was too young to understand what troubles were, so I finished elementary school in a daze. I thought it would be better when I went to middle school, but who knew it would be another tragedy. And I know that these tragedies are all caused by myself. After graduating from middle school, I entered the society to earn money and independence, but it became the beginning of another tragedy. Now I have no hope in life, where is my future? Is it possible that people like me live to do harm to others and to myself, to be hated by my parents and disliked by my friends? What should I do? Is death the only way to free me and my family?
From what you've shared, I can see that you were in a state of dependency from the time you got sick until you graduated from middle school. This was not really intentional on your part, but an unintentional benefit of being sick - it made you always feel accepted, valued, and taken care of. This tends to make you psychologically comfortable and lax and prone to getting by. Because you have been taken care of for a long time, and because you have just left school and entered society, it is inevitable that you feel overwhelmed, that you have learned little and are weak, and that you are unable to adapt to the fast-paced society. This is actually a common problem for every newcomer to society, just that everyone has a different mindset. Suddenly, you have to face the new environment independently and solve all kinds of problems, but your ability cannot keep up with the requirements of society, so you will feel frustrated and incompetent. This difficult feeling makes you project onto others, thinking that they are dissatisfied with you, when in fact it is you who are not accepting of yourself. So don't be too hard on yourself. Although you are weak in skills and social adjustment, these can be improved with practice and practice. You grew up with a lot of love from your parents, and this can be your backbone to cope with difficulties. Don't be discouraged, cheer up! I'm Lili, the little ear of the Answer House, and the world and I love you!
