Before my parents divorced, I had been influenced by my mother to think that my father would not choose to separate for the sake of the children, but the reality hit me hard, and inside I felt abandoned and like I no longer mattered.
Afterwards, when interacting with his father on a daily basis, he was always reluctant to open up, subconsciously disguising himself and failing to fulfill his expectations of a close father-son relationship.
Once, he expressed a slight apology for the divorce, I could not help crying and said a lot of heartfelt words, but his expression made me feel that he was insincere, unable to understand my feelings, just perfunctory, and afterwards I regretted very much for revealing my true feelings.
It always felt like an invisible battle was going on between us, making it harder to let down our defenses and communicate.
Recently he was going to visit me at my place of work and I felt distracted, I didn't want to be too close but also didn't want to hurt his feelings by being too cold, after all he is retired, which made my mind burdened with a heavy heart.
Hi, buddy!
Sending you a warm hug first! I can empathize because I've had similar experiences.
While my words may not completely unravel your mind, I hope it makes you feel better. (After all, I'm not a professional counselor, haha)
After carefully reading what you shared, I can deeply appreciate your worries and conflicts. Divorce itself is very damaging to you, and I don't know if your father was responsible, but your comment about being "punched in the face" makes me think that these types of fathers tend to be more egotistical and have little regard for their children. I'm sorry to say this because my parents were also on the verge of divorce and are still fighting.
Back to your question, you don't really have to get too hung up on it. You can keep it natural when he comes to visit you, you don't have to be too close or too distant. You want to establish natural communication and intimacy with him, but you're worried that he won't be sincere and that you'll be hurt. But as a father and son, you don't really have to think too much, just be true to yourself. Your father's attitude is his business, you just need to follow your heart without worrying about whether he is sincere or not.
Besides, we are all adults now, and the influence of our family of origin is really deep-rooted. I hope you can adjust your mindset and reconcile with yourself first, and then learn to get along well with your father.
I am a light chaser and wish us all to be treated gently and meet kind people!
